Trump vs Biden: Who Would Win in an MMA Fight?

Many people think that the most anticipated fight of the year is the UFC heavyweight trilogy fight between Daniel Cormier and Stipe Miocic. But they would be wrong.

The most exciting fight of the year by far will be President Donald Trump vs former Vice President Joe Biden. These two have been talking mad trash to each other for the last few years. It’s escalated to the point where Joe Biden said he would’ve beat Trump up in grade school.

“If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.”

Joe Biden on CNN

Trump was quick to respond to Biden’s threat.

“Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault.”

Donald Trump on Twitter

To really drive home the point, Trump added: “He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. Don’t threaten people Joe!

If these two actually meet in person for a debate we could very well see a good ol’ fashioned geriatric throwdown… So let me break down how this possible scuffle between two old men will go down.

Donald Trump’s Fight Stats

  • Age: 74
  • Height: 6’2 (6’4 with the hair)
  • Weight: 242.5 lbs (allegedly, this must be after a tough weight cut)
  • Reach: IDK (huge if you ask him)
  • Cardio: Non-existent
  • Hand Size: Tiny (but he’ll tell you they’re big – the best hands!)
  • Notable Wins: Beating Hillary Clinton for president, the IRS, and multiple wins over Rosie O’Donnell
  • Weaknesses: The truth, spray tan, bankruptcy, and Big Macs

Joe Biden’s Fight Stats

  • Age: 77
  • Height: 6’0
  • Weight: 215 lbs
  • Reach: N/A
  • Cardio: Well, he’s challenging people to push up contests
  • Hand Size: Big enough to teach you a lesson buddy!
  • Notable Wins: Riding Obama’s coattails to 2 consecutive terms as Vice President, becoming a meme
  • Weaknesses: Remembering where he is, personal space, and presidential elections

Striking

On the feet, Trump vs Biden is shaping up to be an interesting match-up. Trump has the size and probably the reach advantage, but crazy Uncle Joe is unpredictable. Biden has the better athletic background (he played football and baseball in high school), while Trump just cheats at golf.

Biden’s strong athletic background, mixed with declining overall mental health, will be an asset for his stand-up game. His mind could easily trick him into thinking he’s in high school again, triggering the athletic ability he once had.

Biden needs to be careful though, Trump is not one to take lightly if the fighters stay in the pocket trading strikes. With his girth, Trump may just need one good shot to turn crazy Uncle Joe’s lights out. Also, if his ability to avoid punches is anything like his draft dodging skills, Joe could have problems.

I’m going to have to give Joe the edge in the striking department. Trump does have one-punch knockout power, but Joe is way more spry than The Donald. Look for Biden to try to land punches in bunches and take advantage of Trump’s terrible cardio.

Striking Advantage: Joe Biden

Grappling

I think grappling is going to play a huge role in this fight. Neither one of these fighters has great footwork, and they’re likely to end up tripping and falling to the ground as soon as they engage.

Furthermore, it doesn’t seem like Biden or Trump has any grappling skill whatsoever. Sleepy Joe was challenged by a reporter on his declining health and shot back:

“What the hell ‘concerns’, man? You wanna wrestle?”

– Joe Biden. Yes, he really said this to a reporter.

But at the end of the day, neither candidate wrestled in high school or has any legitimate martial arts background. This fight will look like a schoolyard brawl, with a lot of grabbing until they get pulled apart.

Joe is clearly the more athletic of the two, but a near 30lb weight advantage is hard to deal with on the ground. If Trump is able to get Biden to the ground and establish side control or full mount, it’s going to be bad news for Joe.

With his weight advantage, Trump can easily trap Biden under his girth. Even with dismal cardio, The Donald should be able to land some serious ground and pound from top position.

This is why I gotta give the edge in grappling to Trump. Joe is old and doesn’t have the energy to get off his back if Trump’s big ass is laying on him.

Grappling Advantage: Donald Trump

Mental Toughness

Now I’m going to tell you right off the bat that Trump has the clear advantage here, and this is why. On a daily basis, the man gets everything from insults to death threats hurled at him. But amazingly, he isn’t fazed by any of it.

President Trump has the most incredible tunnel vision I have ever seen, he legitimately looks directly past anything he doesn’t like. It doesn’t matter what people or the polls say. In his mind, Trump is the best and most intelligent man on the planet that is loved by everyone.

If a fighter had that mental toughness/delusion mixed with equivalent ability, they could be a future world champion. From what we’ve seen throughout Joe’s career and especially in the Democratic debates, he is lacking mental efficiency.

Biden keeps fumbling his words and is very quick to anger. His gaffes are the stuff of legend. Joe even called a potential voter a fat idiot and went as far as to challenge him to a push-up contest. The former Vice President also challenged Trump to a push-up contest at one point.

In a fight, the one thing you can’t do is lose your composure, and Joe can’t seem to keep his. Joe is basically the equivalent to Mike Perry, while Trump is Colby Covington. Trump’s mind games may win him the fight before it even starts.

Mental Toughness Advantage: Donald Trump

One Important Wildcard

Trump does have a sneaky, sleeper edge: his friendship with Vladimir Putin. Putin has an extensive martial arts background, and holds a black belt in Judo and Karate.

We all know that Trump and Putin are quite close, and if Trump can get Putin to teach him some takedowns he could easily capitalize on his ground advantage to quickly end the fight.

Trump vs Biden: My Fight Prediction

So here is how I think this fight will go… If there is going to be an in-person debate, we’re going to see two old timers that realllly don’t like each other and are ready to scuffle. This could be the first time in history that a presidential MMA bout has ever happened.

Trump knows he is down in the polls, so his best bet is to rattle Biden’s composure. Joe Biden is mentally frail and will most likely fall into Trump’s trap.

Trump worked the same game plan against Hillary, and chances are he will stick to it. But with Joe being so short-tempered, we could quickly see the debate turn into a brawl.

We might very well see a replay of the McGregor vs Aldo fight: Biden comes in wild and Trump clocks him coming in with a counter punch. This is how I see the fight going. Trump by KO in 10 seconds as a wild crazy Joe Biden comes rushing in out of control.

Let’s face it. No matter what side you’re on, this is undoubtedly going to be the worst election that we have lived through. I see no better way to end this year than having two presidential candidates fight on live TV. It’s an ending that would be truly fitting for 2020.

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